2004-12-10
Would I Cheat?
I received quite a bit of feedback from my last post, both in my notes as well as in private emails. I always appreciate the fact that people read my diary and care enough to comment.
To address Lasweetthing’s comment in my notes section, my wife has never stated that sex was painful after childbirth, of course, we have not had sex to find out after the birth of our third one. In the brief moments we have had lucid conversation regarding the topic of sex (or more specifically the lack thereof) she talks about not feeling any interest, not that there is pain or the fear of pain. But I will ask her the question.
Probably the most interesting question I received was from a Dlander who sent me a private email. I will assume she does not want to be “outed” or I assume she would have put the comment in my notes section. So this Dlander who shall remain nameless asked me if I would cheat on my wife. Now, I don’t think this was a proposition on her part (but if it was, maybe we should do a little more private emailing, LOL), but more of a legit question along the vein of, “Do you miss sex enough to seek a little something on the side?”.
To me this gets back to my earlier question on how important is sex in a relationship. Well beyond the desire I have for a sexual encounter to release pent up stress (masturbation can only get me so far what I really need now is sweaty, intense, a bit rough fucking), I really miss the intimacy and closeness of making love to my wife. As you have read the diary, I hope you have picked up the fact that my wife and I enjoy each other, playing cards together, playing with the kids, talking and laughing. My wife is my best friend and I would not want to hurt her or spoil our marriage and relationship. But this lack of sexual intimacy is starting to eat a hole. Try as I might not to hold anything against her, sometimes I just cannot help it. With the recent long hours and stress at the office, I really want to get home, put the kids to bed and get sweaty and kinky with my wife. With it being obvious that this is not her agenda, try as I might to hide my frustration (and disappointment), it sometimes clouds our evenings together.
Would I cheat? I suppose in a hypothetical situation where I had no chance of getting caught and Salma Hayek is naked, wet and ready for me to fuck her silly, I would break. But in the real world where thoughts, feelings and all emotions (including guilt) are involved, I am certainly not to the point of actively seeking a physical relationship behind my wife’s back. Could I get there eventually? I would like to think not, but I am only human. I guess I will keep living life and you can read about it as it happens.
-- rockabillie at 9:34 a.m.